I should do the Olympics – I slipped on the ice and did a triple lutz right into a sit-spin. The neighbors gave me all 6.0’s – except my East German neighbor…jerk.
A guy walks into a bar – it takes 17 stitches to close up the gash in his forehead …so … let’s keep our heads up.
A friend suggested I try writing a 350-page fictional story and make it into a book – and I thought – what a novel idea.
So – 1st base, 2nd base and 3rd base walk into a bar – they order a pitcher. Soon 1st and 2nd base get into a fight while 3rd base just laughs at them. 1st and 2nd base are asked to leave… So as it stands: the bases are loaded with two outs.
I’ve decided to do a marathon – yup – 26.2 miles. At my current pace I should finish in about …8 yrs.
AHH!! It was horrifying! Woke up this morn to find the severed head of a unicorn in my bed! Apparently we’ve gotten a visit from the fairy Godfather.
Boy, yesterday was rough – I fell down the “Up” escalator… for like, 38 minutes.
I stopped for gas at full-service Amish station – which seemed cool – until they started pumping hay into my gas tank.
I once bit down on a kernel of truth – and broke all my wisdom teeth.
I spent most of yesterday just… reflecting. So, is it wrong to spend that much time in front of a mirror?
Oh great! Just spilled a Coke, stepped in it, then tracked it all over… guess I just expanded my Carbonated Footprint
Between 6th and 8th grade – I grew a foot. But it was embarrassing having three feet – so I had it removed.