Tweets from a Twit…

I should do the Olympics – I slipped on the ice and did a triple lutz right into a sit-spin.  The neighbors gave me all 6.0’s – except my East German neighbor…jerk.

A guy walks into a bar – it takes 17 stitches to close up the gash in his forehead …so … let’s keep our heads up.

A friend suggested I try writing a 350-page fictional story and make it into a book – and I thought – what a novel idea.

So – 1st base, 2nd base and 3rd base walk into a bar – they order a pitcher.  Soon 1st and 2nd base get into a fight while 3rd base just laughs at them.  1st and 2nd base are asked to leave…  So as it stands:  the bases are loaded with two outs.

I’ve decided to do a marathon – yup – 26.2 miles. At my current pace I should finish in about …8 yrs.

AHH!!  It was horrifying!  Woke up this morn to find the severed head of a unicorn in my bed!  Apparently we’ve gotten a visit from the fairy Godfather. 

Boy, yesterday was rough – I fell down the “Up” escalator… for like, 38 minutes.

I stopped for gas at full-service Amish station – which seemed cool – until they started pumping hay into my gas tank.

I once bit down on a kernel of truth – and broke all my wisdom teeth.

I spent most of yesterday just… reflecting.  So, is it wrong to spend that much time in front of a mirror?

Oh great!  Just spilled a Coke, stepped in it, then tracked it all over… guess I just expanded my Carbonated Footprint

Between 6th and 8th grade – I grew a foot. But it was embarrassing having three feet – so I had it removed.

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